Poop Withholding
& Toilet Refusal Support
If your child is holding their poop, refusing the toilet, or panicking when it’s time to go—you’re not alone.
And you’re not dealing with a “stubborn” child.
For many families, poop withholding is the moment potty training shifts from confusing to overwhelming. Accidents increase. Anxiety rises. Everyone feels on edge.
This page is here to help you understand what’s happening—and show you a way forward that doesn’t rely on pressure, bribes, or waiting it out.
Calm, developmentally-informed help when potty training feels scary or stuck
It’s not a behavior problem
Poop withholding and toilet refusal are incredibly common—especially in thoughtful, sensitive, or strong-willed kids.
It often shows up as:
Holding poop for days
Pooping only in pull-ups or underwear
Panic, crying, or refusal when asked to sit
Small releases or “accidents” instead of full bowel movements
A child who can pee in the potty but won’t poop
What looks like defiance is usually something else entirely.
Withholding is usually about fear, control, or body awareness
Many children withhold because:
They’re afraid it will hurt
They don’t fully feel what their body is doing yet
They had one painful or rushed experience
They feel pressure (even well-intentioned pressure)
The potty became emotionally charged too quickly
Once fear or control enters the picture, traditional potty-training tactics often backfire.
This is more common than people talk about
Why rewards, pressure, and “just try harder” don’t work
(and often make things worse)
Sticker charts. Timers. Big reactions. Sitting longer. Sitting more.
Most families try these because they’re told withholding is a motivation issue. But when a child is withholding out of fear or dysregulation,
increasing pressure increases resistance.
Common outcomes include:
More holding
More accidents
Heightened anxiety around the bathroom
Parents feeling helpless or afraid of “messing it up”
This isn’t because you did anything wrong.
It’s because withholding needs a different kind of support.
What actually helps poop withholding resolve
Understanding patterns—not forcing outcomes
Progress comes from:
Learning when your child is most likely to release
Reading their body signals and timing
Adjusting how adults respond in the moment
Reducing fear while restoring a sense of control
Building trust between the child, their body, and the toilet
There is no one-size-fits-all method.
How I support families through poop withholding
Calm, guided, and developmentally appropriate
I work with poop withholding and toilet refusal regularly, including cases that feel:
Long-standing
Emotionally charged
“Tried everything”
Sensitive or anxiety-driven
Support focuses on:
Understanding why your child is holding
Identifying patterns and pressure points
Adjusting language, routines, and expectations
Helping you respond in a way that lowers fear and builds trust
Moving at a pace that creates real, lasting change
This work is gentle—but it’s also strategic.
Reflections from families.
Many families say the biggest shift wasn’t just their child’s progress, but their own confidence in knowing how to respond, adjust, and keep going.
“Cara is truly a life saver. She was not only able to potty train our non verbal autistic kid but was also able to make him independent which was such an important goal for us. She truly treated my son as her own family. My wife has spent countless hours in trying to potty train our son but because he is non verbal autistic we just lost hope but Cara literally potty trained him in just few days.
For anyone who is reading these reviews and considering Cara. I would say just go for it you won’t regret.”
— Assad U., Parent
“
“The remote coaching was an incredible help, not only with potty training but with communication as well. Our 2 year old was going through a potty training regression, and after working with Cara we're back on the right track, with great ways to make the potty a positive experience and how speak to our daughter in a way that makes sense and connects with her on her level.”
— Logan W., Parent
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“Cara came to my house and literally saved me. My daughter is autistic and was 4 at the time. I tried every single method possible on my own. After 6 months of failing I decided to look into getting professional help. She was so calm and patient. The whole thing took 3 days. I would NEVER have been able to do it on my own. And I kept having visions of my daughter a teenager and still in diapers. I’m beyond grateful for Cara and the days she spent with me and my family. She is AMAZING.”
— Elizabeth N., Parent
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Start with a guided inquiry
So I can understand what’s happening for your child
If you’re feeling panicked or stuck, you’re in the right place
Every child’s withholding story is different. The best next step is a guided inquiry where I learn about:
Your child’s history
What you’ve tried
What feels hardest right now
What support would actually help
From there, I’ll guide you toward the right level of support—often remote coaching for ongoing, steady progress.
